Don't Speak
by lilbunny98
Summary: And from this day on, five years after I first landed on that net, I knew our lives would be changing in ways we wouldn't have predicted before.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: let's put it this way: if I were Veronica Roth, would I really be writing Fanfiction right now?**

We never spoke about it. It was as if that particular topic of discussion ceased to exist all together.

Yet, despite the fact that we never spoke of it, here he is, sitting in front of me.

No, not sitting. Kneeling.

On one knee, to be exact.

I feel as if I'm going to vomit.

One minute, we're screaming nonsensical crap at each other, both of us on the verge of a complete and utter nervous breakdown. And the next, he's on one knee, presenting me with a ring.

My stomach won't stop churning.

He keeps muttering something, stumbling over his words as if he's never spoken before. Yet, my ears feel as if they're blocked with cotton. I keep catching words such as "love" and "please and the familiar phrase of "you have every right to say no".

 _But I don't. Do I?_

I couldn't say no because saying no would result in him leaving for forever, though who knows exactly how long that is. Over the past five years, I've been petrified by the thought that he'll leave. If I utter that simple word, that's it. He's gone and everything we've built within the past five years is over.

My lips curl upwards in a small smile, because when I look into his deep blue eyes, my heart takes over in the place of my brain that screams no and it screams back yes.

 _Yes, yes. Oh God, yes._

 _No_.

 _Yes_.

He won't stop talking. God, I wish he'd just shut up sometime. I can see the pearly beads of sweat trickle down his forehead with every syllable he forces out. I know he's stalling. He's waiting for me to interrupt him with the word he wants to hear the most.

 _Yes_.

Somewhere in the midst of everything, my ears start doing their damn job again.

"... I know I continually fuck things up for us. And I know that I'm just not what you deserve, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm completely in love with you, Beatrice. I just can't imagine my life without you. It's selfish of me, but I just can't."

His lips are moving at such a fast pace and- oh god. His lips.

I can't help myself. I lean down, placing his head in both of my palms and, ever so slowly, I press my lips to his.

And just like that, I forget every reason why I would've said no.

I pull back and look his straight in the eyes, keeping my hands on his face. By now, the smile that had crept up on my lips was mirrored by his.

"So?" He whispers.

"Yes." The single word comes out as no more than a breathe of air. If we weren't as close as we were now, I doubt he would've heard me.

His hands fumble for the ring enclosed in his palm, and I feel him slip it onto my finger. I don't look down at it though, not now. Instead, I keep my gaze locked on him. The second he finished putting the ring on my finger, he lifts his face up, displaying the most elated look I've ever seen him wear.

I don't waste any time before our lips are crashing together stands up, so this time he's the one that has to bend down, and picks me up, spinning me in a small circle. He doesn't set me down though. He keeps my toes just mere inches off the ground.

It's certainly the best moment of my life.

I wake up to a tangled mess of bare sheets covering my frame. He's not here, but given the way the bathroom light glistens against the adjacent glass mirror, I know he's not far.

My eyes immediatly dart to the elephant in the room- the ring nestled amongst my finger.

Except, it's more than just a ring. A ring would imply simplicity and conspicuousness, both of which are exact opposites of what it truly is.

Up until now, I didn't know that diamonds came in such large sizes. You'd think, with both of us coming from Abnegation, that he would chose something simple and timeless, not something that looks as if he spent his entire yearly salary on it.

Of course, I know he didn't. Being a legend has its perks, I guess. But as I stare more and more at the delicate piece of jewelry, I can't help but be enamored by every single detail of it.

The diamond must be as big as the tip of my pinky,band it lay inset a band of microscopic diamonds. The juxtaposition of it was not coincidence. It could've only occurred by carefully crafted precision and thought. Nevertheless, it was beautiful. Completely and utterly beautiful. Where did I become worthy of such nice things?

The bathroom door opens, revealing a thick cloud of sticky steam and my soon-to-be husband.

Fiancé, is the better term. It feels weird on my tongue.

"Good morning." He says, his voice still thick with sleep. He walks over to me and presses his lips to my forehead, just as he's done every single morning the past four years that we've lived together. "Ready for work?"

"Mmmm." I groan. "Do we have to go?"

He sighs. "Yes, we do. You know we have to."

"I know, but..." I wrack my brain, trying to come up with any excuse possible. "Given the fact that we... We..."

He laughs, "what, just because we got engaged that means we get to take the day off at work? Sorry, Tris, but it doesn't work like that. Initiation continues whether we're getting married or we're breaking up. If we don't train them, then who's going to?"

"Zeke?" I offered. "Uriah?"

"Right. We're going to leave the Pedrad brothers to this. They'll just get all the initiates drunk."

"Which could be fun for them." I offered.

He laughed half-heartedly. I knew there was no getting around this. Sighing, I got up and made my way to the shower.

We're on our way to the training room when he slips his hand in mine.

"I'm never going to get used to this," he murmurs, fiddling with my ring. "I can't believe it actually happened."

"Do you regret it?" I blurt.

His eyes look like they'll burst out of his skull. "Regret it? Tris, do you think I would've done it if I thought I was just going to regret it in the morning?"

"Well, no, I just-" I stammered, but quickly jolted away from him as we entered the training room. The initiates were already lined up, eager to begin training for the day.

"Alright!" My voice booms. "Protocol for today is the same as yesterday. Head to the punching bags and start warming up. Real fights start after lunch."

The initiates scurry to the bags like chickens with their heads cut off. A Candor girl reaches one a couple feet down from me, and immediately I notice the awkwardness in her stance.

Tobias watches with a sly grin on his face as I work to help adjust her. He's always doing that- watching me from afar. Since he's been training longer than I have, he likes to scrutinize my work.

At the bag next to me is an Abnegation boy- Jamal, I think is his name. He's unusually strong for being from Abnegation, and despite his timid nature. As I finish up adjusting the Candor girl, I feel him tap my shoulder.

"Yes?" I hiss, colder than I intend to.

He returns my bitter frost with a small smile. "If you're trying to hide that," he whispered, pointing his index finger toward my ring. "You might want to do a bit of a better job. Nobody else has noticed yet, I don't think."

My eyes widen.

He laughs softly. "Don't worry, it's only a massive rock. It's not like you're pregnant. Now that would be harder to hide."

"Thanks for the advice, initiate." I murmured, though I could feel my heart racing. _I only found out two days ago- was there any way he knew?_


	2. Chapter 2

I still haven't told him. And I'm not sure when that'll change.

He'll notice though. He always does, and when that day comes... Well, I don't know what I'll do.

As I'm standing in our bathroom, perched on the tips of my toes trying to brush my teeth, the last thing I'm thinking about is that today is the day he'll notice.

"Aren't you sick of that sweater already?" He says with a small edge to his voice. "You've been wearing the same one for the past three days."

I shrug. "It's cold outside and I like it." My voice is harsher than I'm used to, but quite frankly, I don't care. I just hope he doesn't notice the frantic beads of sweat that are tricking down my forehead.

"Well, maybe we should get you some more sweaters. Or, here-" he walks into the dresser in our bedroom and grabs one of his sweaters. "Take this."

A small smile creeps up my lips. "Thank you."

He walks over to me and wraps his arms around my waist before planting a kiss in between my eyebrows. I stiffen. Immediatly he pulls back and looks at me with his face scrunched together in confusion.

"I-is something wrong?" I stutter.

He scratches the back of his neck. "I... Uh... Well I don't mean to offend you by asking his but... Uh... Have you... Gained weight lately?"

Oh shit. "Um, not that I know of. Why?"

"Just.. Uh.. Just wondering."

"O...Kay."

We stare at each other awkwardly before he removes his hands from my waist and shimmies into the other side of the small bathroom to get ready. I take his black sweater and place it on the counter.

"You're not changing?" He asks.

"Not right now..." I know there's no getting around this- well, not for long. I'm nearly four months along, he's going to figure it out at some point.

"Alright." His voice is tight and strained, and I know that he knows that something is up. Even despite my past intimacy fear, we're very... Open in all aspects of our relationship. Me not being willing to change in front of him just further solidifies his suspicions.

He doesn't say another word until we're already in the training room, waiting for the initiates to arrive.

"Get ready, initiates." He's already in instructor mode, his tone sharp and rigid at every edge. "Today we start the fights. Now, before we pair you all against one another, Tris and I will be demonstrating how to fight." He looks at me and gestures to the arena. "Ladies first?"

I have to beat him. I have to beat him, otherwise... otherwise...

I stand in the arena and adjust my stance. If I can just dive for his leg, I can kick him to the ground and then he's all but putty underneath my hands.

He stands in position. And I do just that.

Except. It backfires.

I'm the one who lands flat on their back, he hovers over me and begins to hit my face, my throat, but I don't bother to block it- my hands are too busy guarding my stomach. That's when I feel the next blow hit straight past my hands.

I gasp, and the tears start immediatly.

The impact of his blows is harsh, though I know it's greatly watered down. If he were fighting anyone else, he'd be going at least ten times as hard. I guess having your fight partner be your fiancé has its perks.

He stops hitting me and stares in wonder. Most of the initiates have stopped paying attention anyways. They're all too busy talking to their friends about topics completely unrelated to initiation.

He leans down, his face partially concealed by my hair. "What's wrong?"

I'm shaking my head violently. You're so stupid, Tris. So, so stupid. The tears are free flowing down my cheeks and I can't get them to stop. I gasp, letting out a strangled noise from my throat and croak a single word: "infirmary." I get up off the ground, ignoring the searing pain blazing within my core. With that, I keep my head low and sprint towards the infirmary.

I can feel the initiates gawking at me, and at the same time I hear Tobias hastily dismissing training for today and his pounding footsteps following mine.

I don't stop for him. I've messed up too much. So I just keep on running.

"Ms. Prior, is it? Or is it Mrs. Eaton yet?"

"Prior, still." I snap. I'm sitting with my legs dangling off of the examination table. My clammy hands are crossed in my lap.

"Well, Ms. Prior, maybe you should be a little more careful next time." Dr. Maria's tone is brittle and sour. "You're very, very lucky."

"Yes, well maybe you shouldn't tell me how I should live my life!" I know it's out of line, but I can't help it. I can feel all my emotions bottling up like a shaken up soda, nearly at the brink of explosion.

"Ms. Prior." She snaps in return. "If you care about your unborn child then I suggest you do your best to protect it. Or, at least let your fiancé try to do so, if you're too careless to-" a knock on the door interrupts her lecture. A frantic Tobias opens the door, letting himself in. He walks over to me and my clammy hands apathy and clasping one of them in both his hands.

"Doctor," he greets the arrogant woman sitting across from us. "Is she okay?"

Dr. Maria gives me a questioning look before replying, "Oh, maybe you should as your fiancé here. I'll give you two time alone to talk." She winks at me before slipping out the door, leaving Tobias and I alone. Here goes nothing.

"Tris," his voice is not the soft, gentle Tobias I adore, but rather that of the cold, harsh instructor. "I know you've been keeping something from me. Will you please, for the love of God, just tell me what's going on?"

I'm crying again, but I don't realize it until I feel the first stream if wetness hit my cheeks. "I... I..." I hiccup. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"Go on..."

"I'm pregnant, Tobias." The words are out before I can stop them. He stops dead in his tracks, and he looks utterly confused as to whether he should be elated or mad.

This is it, Tris. He's going to leave you. Why would he want you now?

"Why didn't you tell me?" He whispers. "Did you really think you couldn't trust me?"

"It's not that!" I cry, gripping his hand harder. "Of course I can trust you- of course. It's just..."

"It's just what, Tris? Seriously, after everything we've been through the past five years, you couldn't even bother to mention this? How long have you known?" He demands.

"Only a little while-"

"How. Long?"

"A month!" I gasp. Then, a bit softer, "I'm four months along."

"Oh." Is all he says. His voice falters as he utters the single syllable. He shakes his head. "I just can't believe you would tell me."

"It's not that I didn't want to!" I insist. "I was just... scared."

"Of what?" He sighs. "Of me?"

"No, no! Tobias, I'm not scared of you."

"Then what is it?"

"I'm just scared of the situation. If I told you, that would mean admitting that it was real, and that scares me! Look, I don't know how to do this. I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm clearly doing it all wrong, since it nearly died today! I'm scared of screwing this whole thing up. I'm scared of failing it, and most of all, I'm scared of disappointing you." My voice is no louder than a whisper once I reach the end of my confession.

Tobias immediately pulls me into his arms and squeezes me against his chest. He strokes my hair while I just cry it all out. I'm not one to cry, but with the stress that's been accumulating for a month, it's now all coming out.

He rests his chin on the top of my hair. "I almost killed it today."

I pull back, startled. "No you didn't!"

"I was the one that hit you. I foolishly suggested you help demonstrate the fights, and I was the one who landed you here."

"Tobias Eaton." The tears stop. I look him directly in his stunning blue eyes, letting my gaze rest on his. "Don't you dare blame yourself for this, okay? You didn't do anything. I was the one who knew. I was the one that should have thought this out better. Not you."

"I'm going home." He mutters as he walks out the the infirmary door.

He's sitting on the couch when I get back to the apartment, as still as ever, staring blankly out the window. I don't say a single word as I walk over to him and gently sit beside him. My back is all too stiff and sore, but I sit up as straight as possible. My hands rest lightly on my jeans, and I stare out the same direction he is.

I don't know how long we sit there, but eventually, I get up. I head into the kitchen and make a simple dinner that night, comprised of spiced chicken and steamed vegetables. It's plain, the epitome of Abnegation food, but it's the only thing that doesn't sound completely revolting to me. I eat my food as slow as possible, watching Tobias all the while and waiting, yearning for any sign of life within him. But he still doesn't move.

I was the dishes! I scrub the counters, I even vacuum the floor, but in all that time, he doesn't budge. I take his plate and place it on the coffee table in front of him, figuring that he'll have to move at some point to eat. After one last attempt at trying to get him to even move, I give up and decide to get ready for bed.

I shrug off my sweater and stare at my half-naked frame in the mirror. It's almost comical, because for the first time in my life I look... Fat. Well, I'm sure I'd still look small to anyone else, but I definitely don't look like I did four months ago. Slowly, I look down at my stomach and begin to cry. I slump towards the ground, my head held in my hands, and allow myself to be vulnerable. I can't tell if the fact that I'm alone helps or makes me feel better.

"This is your fault," I mutter, looking at my stomach. "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be on the brink of a breakup."

"So now you're breaking up with me? You're full of surprises today, aren't you." I hear Tobias coming around the corner and I quickly throw on the shirt of his that I was holding.

"N-no! No, I'm not!"

"Them why did you-"

"Because you're leaving me, aren't you?" I state plainly, although I'm desperately choking back tears. "That's it. You've knocked me up, and now you can't deal with your actions so you're leaving."

"I'm not-"

"If you're wondering why I didn't tell you, it's for this exact reason. I was selfish and just hoped I could get at least a couple more months of this relationship. How stupid was I. I should've known better." I shake my head slowly. He doesn't care. He doesn't care.

I walk over to our bed and scoot all the way to the very edge, curling up in a cocoon underneath the covers. I'm giving him one more chance, one more window of opportunity. If he crawls in with me, I'll know we can still work this out.

He doesn't. At least, not for several hours.

But when he does, and I feel his warm, strong arms wrap protectively around me, I know that we'll be able to work it out.

I open one eye to look at the clock- it's 2am and, as usual, my mind is consumed by the thought of him.

I turn around in his arms to face him. I expect him to be fast asleep, his blue eyes shielded carefully by his eyelids, but they aren't. Much to my surprise, he's wide awake, his blue eyes alert and taking in every inch of my frame.

"I hope you know I'd never leave you," he whispers. "As much as I'm... Not thrilled about the current situation, I wouldn't leave you."

"I know." I whisper because in the back of my mind, I truly do know that he wouldn't leave.

"We'll figure this out, okay?" He brushes his thumb against my cheek. "I don't know how in the hell we will, but we will. We have five months to figure it out, and I promise you that we will."

"I love you." I murmur. He presses his lips to my forehead.

Tessa Natalie Eaton. We finally came to a decision less than twenty-four hours before she was born.

She arrives just on time, during one rainy day in December, just before Christmas. The drizzle and patter of raindrops hitting the window and the whisper of the wind against the snow is drowned out by another noise the miraculous evening of December 21; the sound of her cries filling the air with every single gasping breathe.

I slip my hand from Tobias' only when I feel her tiny, warm body land on my chest. Nurses are circled around me, armed with blankets and other medical tools, trying to clean her up, but I don't focus on them. If anything, I just want to push all of their hands away. My eyes only see her.

They take her over to a medical station, leaving my covered in blood and mucus. Not to mention, the sweat that's literally caked my hair to my forehead and my eyeliner that is nearly running down my cheeks. Even so, Tobias takes my head in his hands and kisses me fully on the lips, muttering words like beautiful and stunning between each breath.

I don't know how I got so lucky.

My eyes find Tobias and I hold onto his vulnerable gaze. His eyes are glassy and his cheeks are red. It's rare that I see him like this, but in a convoluted way, I love it. I love that he's able to be this comfortable around me. "I love you." I whisper, because I don't know what else to say.

He kisses me again. "Thank you." He whispers.

I just smile. I couldn't even begin to string words together coherently.

As much as his eyes are locked on me, they're darting back and forth when he thinks I'm not looking. I can tell he's itching to get to our baby- maybe even a little more than I am. I nudge his shoulder. "Go get her," I say gently. "But don't have too much fun without me." I don't miss the beaming smile that lights up his face, no matter how brief it is.

"You got it." He kisses me one last time before walking over to where our daughter is being tended to.

While he's over with our baby, a nurse comes over to help me over to the shower in the tiny bathroom while another nurse changes my bed sheets. The minute I stand up on my feet, I feel like my body will collapse from underneath me. Thankfully, the nurse expects such and keeps a tight grip on me. When we get to the bathroom, she helps me undress and step into the shower. Under usual circumstances, I would be completely mortified at the fact that she's looking at me naked, but right now, I know better than to reject her help. My body is proving to need it more than I'd like.

She's there to help me get out of the shower too, handing me a fluffy towel to dry off with and a clean set of clothes to change in to. A sigh of relief washes over me when I realize that I didnt have to wear the stiff hospital gown anymore. Instead, a set of loose, black sweatpants and a black t-shirt replace it, as well as a matching set of socks. Christina would probably make some remark about my attire, but I really couldn't care less. It's comfortable, and that's all I need.

When I enter the room again the bed is freshly made and Tobias is seated in the small chair next to it. However, it isn't him nor the bed that catches my eye- it's the tiny bundle nestled in his arms.

The nurse leads me over to the bed and helps me get settled. Once she makes sure I'm okay, she slips out of the room, reciting her practiced "press the call button if you need anything" phrase before shutting the door behind her.

Tobias has the widest smile plastered on his face. I can't recall a time that I've ever seen him this... Elated.

"She's definitely your daughter," he chuckles as he places her into my arms. "Five pounds, five ounces. The doctors said she's the tiniest full-term baby they've seen! Of course, she's completely healthy though."

I unwrap the blankets from around her and she stirs, whimpering slightly as the cool air interacts with her fragile skin. It's then that I truly realize how tiny she is- she literally could fit within the palms of my hands.

I pull her close to my chest and breathe in her sweet scent. She smells like lavender and honey and everything that's good in the world. As I stare down at her she opens her small eyes at me.

Tobias' eyes.

"Did you-"

"For years, I feared those eyes," he starts slowly. "They were a symbol of hatred for me. I had to look into them every single day while they tortured me mercilessly, for sixteen years. But now... There's no reason for me to fear them anymore." There's a hint of a smile in his voice, a sense of pride for the child that we created.

"I've always loved them. I whisper.

He grabs my hand and links his fingers with mine. "I know."

I pull of the little cap the nurses placed over Tessa's head to reveal a mop of silky, blonde hair. The more I look at her, the more I realize how much she looks like me. Between her fair hair, button nose, her full lips, and her small frame, there no denying that she's my daughter. Or rather, that she's our daughter, because there's plenty of Tobias in her too. His ocean eyes and round eye shape as well as his angled face have presented themselves in her, too. It's hard to say who she looks more like- she's the perfect mix of all of us.

"She's perfect." I whisper, stroking back her hair. Her eyes are alert and eager and completely focused on mine.

"I know." He whispers back.

It's only a matter of time before our friends and family begin to ask when they can come in and see Tessa. As Tobias goes out to bring them in, I just stare at my baby in awe.

"You're quite the perfectly little thing. Our friends are going to be all over you." I laugh lightly. She's still awake, but she hasn't cried once, or even made so much as a gurgle. All she does is stare at me, as if she can't believe she's in the real world now as much as we can.

I place her on my shoulder with her little head me nestled within the crook of my neck. Her warm body curls perfectly with the shape of my shoulder. It's then that I realize that I couldn't ask for anything better.

Unfortunately, our little moment is made short by a knock on the door. "Come in!" I call.

Tobias enters followed by a hesitant Evelyn. Her hands are clasped firmly in front of her and her mouth is set in a straight line. I would've thought she was unhappy to be here if it wasn't for the softness behind her eyes. She walks over to the bed and sits herself on the edge, placing a hand on my leg.

"How are you feeling?" She asks. Her voice is low and level.

"Exhausted," I say, honestly. I've never felt more physically exhausted in my entire life. "But I couldn't be happier."

"I remember the feeling," she says, a bit of sadness in her tone. "It's such an amazing feeling. Cherish if while you can, because next thing you know they're all grown up and having kids of their own." She laughs. Tobias groans, but Evelyn just waves it off. "And then you become a grandma and you get to relive it all over again, but this time, it's almost better."

I know her words aren't meant to hurt me, but with every word she says, I can't help but think of my mom. She would've loved to see Tessa. She would have been absolutely thrilled to be a grandma, if she was still here."

"Do you want to hold her?" I ask Evelyn. My voice quivers and shakes between each breath, and I'm trying desperately not to cry.

"I would love nothing more." She says. I kiss Tessa's forehead before placing her in her grandmother's arms. Evelyn's radiant smile once Tessa is settled in her arms is unmistakable. Tears flow down her cheeks, yet she doesn't take her eye off of her for even a second.

"She's so beautiful. I can only imagine how stunning she'll be when she's older."

"Hopefully not too beautiful." Tobias grumbles from the corner and I let out a ringing laugh. She's not even a day old and he's already concerned about the boys.

"Oh, lighten up, Tobias!" Evelyn laughs. "You have plenty of time before she starts to worry about that."

He grumbled, something incoherent before leaving the room to gather the rest of our friends.

"Now that Tobias is gone," Evelyn starts. "How are you really feeling?"

I pause before answering, biting the inside of my lips to keep myself from crying. "Terrified." I admit. "Absolutely terrified."

"I know dear." Evenly has a sad smile on her face, a look of sympathy and understanding. "You wish your mom was here, don't you?"

"Why does it matter?" I snap.

"Be had I know you miss her. I know that you wish she was here. You're scared of being a mother, and you wish you had your mother here to help you out, but you don't and you're scared you're going to mess it up."

"Why are you-"

"The reason I'm bringing it up is because I'm here for you, Tris. I know we haven't had the most ideal relationship in the past, but I'm willing to change that. This is a big time for you, and you really need someone, even if you don't think you do. There's a lot of things they just don't teach you in school," she chuckles. "Like, do you know how to feed her? Change her diaper?"

I glance down at my baby, now sound asleep in my arms. "Not really, no."

She smiles. "I'm going to be staying with you guys for the next couple of days. When she's awake, I'll show you, okay? You're not alone Tris."

The day ends once all of our friends finally start to leave- around ten pm. Evelyn's gone home too, back to mine and Tobias' home in dauntless. And as I lay here, curled up with my baby in my arms and my fiancé right beside me, I realize that my life truly couldn't be better. I've gone through hardship after hardship, struggle after struggle, but all of it was worth it. At the end of the day, it got me to where I am now. And that's all that matter.


End file.
